Shippers vs. Super-Shippers

          Recently there was some discussion about shipping in the Outlander fandom and how it has been “vilified.” That conversation got people talking, which I think is a good thing. As long as it isn’t completely one-sided, or slightly misrepresented, which it was. There is such a schism in our fandom. And it lies in the hands of only a very small group of fans. So who makes up the Outlander fandom?

          First, there are those of us old enough to have read Outlander when it came out. We’ve been fans for over 25 years. We’ve read every book in the series at least once, if not multiple times. There are those who have no interest in the books and simply enjoy watching the show. We can be found on Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, LiveJournal, and CompuServe. You name it, we are out there talking about our love of all things Outlander!

         

          Within these groups are people who are shippers, super-shippers, non-shippers, have no idea what a shipper is, know what they are but don’t care, are truthers, or are on social media simply to see all and hear all they can about Outlander.

          As my title suggests, I’m here to discuss two groups especially: shippers vs. non-shippers.

          People often ask, “What is wrong with shipping?” The simple answer is “Absolutely Nothing!!” Regular ol’ shippers who find Sam and Cait’s interactions adorable and think “Aren’t they adorable together?! I *heart* them!” - and that is as far as it goes - are fine. Maybe these people are a majority of the fandom, I don’t know. Because let’s face it - I think that on the face value of those interactions, we could all be shippers! Sam and Cait are adorable in those interviews and games and panels! I would even go so far as to say that it is impossible not to have a big smile on your face and feel a little better after watching them interact together.

          Here’s a truth for you regular shippers: If you think that the group of people on Tumblr/Twitter who strive to show the truth of the S/C ship[1] hate you, you are completely wrong. Shipping can be harmless and the majority of you stick to that fun, harmless shipping.

          However, there is a separate group of shippers, the super-shippers, who are not harmless or fun. (A super-shipper takes shipping above and beyond the realm of harmless shipping. Everything is scrutinized to help keep the ship alive, and it is imperative that S/C are a couple.) These super-shippers (“SSers”) will stop at nothing to defend their ship. (I will not post any screencaps here, as the SSers complained endlessly about non-shippers-truthers (NSTs) doing this to them.[2] However, if you have any questions or disbelieve anything I say, you need to go through the SSers’ blogs on Tumbr. Take a good, long look and you will find it all there in black and white.

          These “harmless” SSers are bullies. They will bully anyone who dares to say the ship does not exist. This includes not only us mere “mortals”, but the cast and crew of Outlander: Nell (she said that Sam was in Thailand instead of Costa Rica with Cait for NYE like the SSers wanted everyone to believe), the Thai guy, Amy, Terry, Diana, Sam’s ex-gf, Cait’s bf, the Outlandercastblog for simply discussing shipping in the fandom, three of the drivers, and Sam himself (their self-professed Captain of the ship). They attack with the ferocity of starving piranhas until we are stripped bare, the only thing left our bones to clean their fang-like teeth with.

          I hate bullies. I was bullied for a brief time in elementary school and it left a foul taste in my mouth. Sadly this group of people also bully and mock people who do nothing to usurp the shipping. People they feel answer too many of the cast’s/crew’s tweets or are always the first to answer (which they screencap to show their viewers). They get ruthlessly mocked.  People who send gifts to the cast/crew. Mocked. (Nevermind that they do the same themselves. The hypocrisy on the ship knows no bounds.) The SSers claim to be full of “light, love, hugs and positivity,” but their words and actions prove otherwise. If someone sends a question to them on their blog, they are answered in the rudest ways possible and then blocked.

          I also hate liars. And a bigger group of liars about the non-existent ship I have not seen. They are full of untruthiness. But do not take my word for it. Go through the SSers’ blogs and see for yourself how full of love they are for anyone not on their ship, or who speaks against the ship.

          Next, the two SSers (and let us be honest here. These women were NOT regular shippers. They were of the SS class.) who engaged in Saturday’s conversation complained that the shippers are called “tinhatters.” This is only a half-truth. Regular shippers are never referred to as this. (In fact, regular shippers are not discussed negatively on any NST blog.) It is the super-shippers who are discussed to prove their lies wrong and to showcase their bully ways. And this is why:

  

http://fanlore.org/wiki/Tinhat:

Derived from the stereotype of conspiracy theorists and other paranoid people wearing tinfoil hats to protect themselves from telepathic, microwave or radio transmissions by aliens, the government, or both[1]: a fannish tinhat is a person who believes that their favorite celebrities are really a couple, forced by The Powers That Be to keep their relationship a secret. A lot of tinhat theories are based on fantasies of closeted celebrities (mainly actors) unable to be open about their relationship in their profession, although tinhatting of opposite-sex pairings does occur (and predates the term itself). The term can refer to the stylish accessory or, by metonymy, to the fan who wears it.

The term can also be used to refer to any fans who deliberately ignore parts of a canon they dislike in order to continue enjoying the media, for example bad writing, questionable relationship choices, etc. (Emphasis added)

          The SSers love to use this excuse. “Sam and Cait would come out and show their love for each other but the PTB are keeping them from doing so.”  So every minute detail of every photo and video is scrutinized for their supposed love.

          Sam and Cait both hanging onto a pair of antlers after a night of drinking? That’s now known as the “antler finger porn” photo.

          Sam and Cait throw “secret” kisses at each other.

          Sam and Cait leave little “breadcumbs” showing their love that only the SSers can detect and find.

          Sam and Cait are always on the verge of “the big reveal” (which, of course, never happens. Oh, wait! Unless you count all those videos and interviews they did where the unequivocally stated, “We are just friends. We are not a couple.”)  That was indeed a big reveal!

          But again the SSers spin truth into fiction and state that “something was off” with them. (Yes, it was. They were pissed they had to state publically that they weren’t a couple!)

          This is only a teeny-tiny part of what the SSers do to “deliberately ignore parts of the canon they dislike in order to continue enjoying the media” and the ship. They have stalked Sam, Cait, their friends and loved ones. They have threatened their loved ones. Gone to Sam’s dad’s grave. Mined SM to a degree that they know every friend or family member and follow them whenever they can.  And that is the tip of the iceberg.

         

          All this is why shipping is harmless fun, but super-shipping is not. But please, do not take my word for it. Go read their blogs on Tumblr for yourself! Make your own decisions about how full of light and love and truth they are.

---

[1] Disclosure: I am a part of this group. I simply consider myself a “Non-Shipper”.

[2] NSTs screencap to show that the SSers have indeed said what we are saying they said. As opposed to the SSers who make up lies and post them as truth without any truth to back up their lies. It’s actually a bit of a safeguard to have a screencap, super-shippers. If the NSTs represent something that you feel you did not mean, then you can use the very same screencap we blog to disprove what we say.

The Gratuitous Shower Scene; Just Say Thank You; and What Do Men vs. Women Consider Beautiful?

The Gratuitous Shower Scene; Just Say Thank You;

and What Do Men vs. Women Consider Beautiful?

I have pretty much forgotten what regular TV is thanks to Netflix and Amazon Prime (which I can now get Starz through, thank you very much!)  So in March I binge-watched: Daredevil (“DD”), Jessica Jones (“JJ”), and The Politician’s Husband. I’ve been watched British shows almost non-stop since January. I’m finding that my inner voice is now speaking with a British accent and my outer voice is using British terminology to people.

(Side thought: Anyone know the easy way to put the closed caption on an Amazon Prime tv show from a smart tv? Netflix is so easy. Prime confounds me!)

In one of my last blogs I discussed a little about gender inequality for female actors and the gratuitous shower scene. And then I watched Daredevil and Jessica Jones.  So here’s the thing.  DD and JJ are both Marvel characters. Both on Netflix.  DD isn’t getting much action in the Teflon suit, but it is inferred that Matt Murdock is. A love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy. He comes home nearly every night broken and beaten - where surely a hot, steamy shower would be just the thing to help ease aching muscles. Yet we see none of that.

Cue the female Marvel character, one Jessica Jones, and we see her hop into bed with a stranger, and she does the shower scene. More than once.  Jess also has to deal with a terrible villain, gets beat up, the whole nine yards, so what makes her day harder to deal with that only a nice hot shower will ease it, whereas it obviously will do bupkis for Matt. Because he’s a guy? And they just shake it off and go about their day? Not buying it!

Point is - Both Marvel characters. Same network. Neither of these characters are exactly chomping at the bit for commitment. Both have had something happen to them that has fundamentally changed who they are. Yet they cannot be portrayed equally. Does the network feel that JJ wouldn’t work without the sexual scenes, but DD is just fine without them? Or are is it simply resting on its laurels and going full speed ahead with the Hollywood past practice of using their female actors for sex appeal?  (Full disclosure: If said network were to include a shower scene or two in the DD episodes as they have done with JJ, this author would not protest too much. I am only human after all!)

***

A couple of days ago I received a really nice direct message on my Twitter from a fellow blogger on Tumblr. We mutually follow each other.  It was really hard for me to just say “thank you” without adding a “Yes, but…” Women in general can’t do this. Why is that? If someone is kind enough to take the time to pay you a compliment, why can’t we simply accept the compliment and let it boost our day just a little. If someone compliments our hair, we have to tell them it doesn’t usually turn out so well. If someone likes our shoes, we have to tell them we’ve had them forever. God forbid someone compliments us on our outfit (“Oh! I feel so fat in it! You don’t think this shirt makes my feet look humongous?!”). We are crazy! Tell a man you like his shirt, and he will a) look down at said shirt as if he forgot he was wearing one; and b) say “thank you.” End of story.

What is in our DNA as a woman that cannot accept a little spotlight glory without the caveat, “yes, but…”? That will then bring up everything you noticed wrong about yourself not only since you woke up that morning, but since you hit puberty. When someone takes the time to tell you how lovely you look the last thing they want to hear is “God, I feel so awful! You really think so? You don’t think it brings out the black bags under my eyes? I tried to conceal them this morning, and ended up being late for work because they are just so dark and big…”  Snoooooooooze.   I wonder if men think “Oh god. I think she looks nice today. But if I mention it, she’ll bring up the zit that suddenly appeared, as if from nowhere - just this morning - as if it knew it was going to ruin her day which lead her to see that she now has, dear god!, three grey hairs…” and then just hide. Because men love nothing better than discussing zits, grey hair and skirts that make your legs look like an elephants.

So ladies, when someone tells you something nice, just smile and say “thank you!” Let it sink in that someone took notice of you and then took the time to tell you that you are beautiful. Don’t be a buzzkill to their lovely compliment.

And with that being said, I’m going to contradict everything I just wrote about in my quest to discover what men and women consider as beauty and maybe the “Yes, but” caveat is why I can’t accept when someone tells me I’m pretty.

My female friends are really generous with their compliments to me. They tell me that they think I’ve got great eyes or hair or whatever. When I did the bar scene, I would more often than not get hit on by women. And if this did it for me, then I guess I’d be all set. But I’m totally into guys. And yes, I do get looks and smiles and hit on by men, but not as much as other friends I’ve hung out with. Even in my skinny days, these gals were thinner than I.  And they were the ones the guys hung on like bees to honey.

Nowadays after over a decade of dealing with fibromyalgia and over five years with Lupus, my Marilyn figure is more like Jabba the Hut. That is the image of me I have. (And I get yelled at for saying it.) I know we women are pretty darn tough on ourselves (hence the “we cannot take a compliment” point above). I look in the mirror and see long blonde hair and nice eyes. Then it’s all Jabba from there.

And part of me is able to say “Must not be that bad if I just was flirted/hit on/etc” with, but it doesn’t sink in. The inner workings of my mind are going thru everything bad I think or feel about myself. I know that there isn’t a woman on earth who doesn’t have at least one insecurity about herself. And I have met a considerable number of guys with them, too (they just seem to be better at hiding them!).

Long story short - I think men and women just have a vastly different definition of what beauty is. Look at what most men fav and follow on SM. The women are twigs. For the most part, they look unhealthy to me. With large breasts. The face doesn’t have to be exceptionally pretty as long as the bod is hot. Women, however, seem to notice that hey - you have eyes! And they are pretty. Your skin is glowy. You do actually have a head on our shoulders! (AND you know how to use it!) Is this a reason why women are so hard on themselves? Because of what we see men flock to? Is it because we look at these other women and realize we will never be like that? I don’t know why it is so much easier to believe the bad and not the good.

But I really hope that someday we can all change that.

Prose For a French Actor

            So I may have a slight fascination about an actor. Notice the emphasis on the word “slight.” I’m sure that’s all it is. Truly. This actor, he isn’t exactly well-known in America. Not yet anyway. But he’s done a lot for someone so young. He’s directed. Produced. Made an indie film.  A strangely likeable guts and gore, darkly lit, low-budget film. A fairly popular TV series. Some historically-themed films. A lot of theatre in his home country.  Pretty respectable stuff.

            Have I mentioned yet that he’s French?  No? Mon dieu! Comment négligent de moi! (Don’t judge my French. While I’d love to rattle it off as if it were nothing, the French language and I have a love/hate relationship. I love it and it hates me. I nearly get hives just thinking about learning it!) He's a Parisian. He’s not just French, but the stereotypical Frenchman (at least in my opinion). Scruffy. Dressed as if his clothes were just thrown on. (But impeccable if the situation calls for it.) Hair made to look dirty. Bad hair day? Wear a knit cap, rakishly pushed back on the head. Various degrees of unshavenness, with rarely a smooth face. The cooler French brother to the American hipster. Hmmm, which now that I think about it, maybe the hipster movement was stolen from the day-to-day French look to begin with. Smokes. A lot. And as he is très French, he makes no apologies about it and won’t ask your permission about it either. In fact, he will light up in the presence of signs clearly telling him not to. But worst of all? He’s 29. Yes. I said 29. I can practically hear the beginning strains of “Mrs. Robinson” as I type this. “Coo-coo-ka-choo-Mrs.Robinson…”

            He’s impossibly tall and lanky. However, don’t confuse “lanky” with “scrawny.”  In a movie he may convincingly portray a man who will go down after one punch, but in real life you imagine he will throw the first and last punch. Lovely arms. Lovely abs.  And true to his Gallic ancestry, he’s dark. With eyes so big and blue you notice them immediately. They will pierce your soul with their intensity. Framing those gorgeous orbs are eyelashes so long and lush any woman would give their boyfriend to have them. Or just to stare into them. They give him an air of innocent charm, which is a dangerous thing to an unsuspecting female.  An air of vulnerability that he uses well in his films.

            Then there is the hair. In Shakespeare’s day sonnets would have been written about it. Your fingers itch to run through it the first time you lay eyes on that heavenly black mass. It’s thick and wavy, ending in curls at the nape of the neck. (He has a habit of running a hand through it, as if it bothers him and he wants to keep it off his forehead. I think he does it to appear deliciously rumpled. Bedhead. You might even imagine being the cause of that rumpled gorgeousness. IF you were the imaginative type, that is.) Sometimes he shaves his head for movie roles and you would think that would ruin the perfection. Like Sampson losing his strength once his long locks were cut. But it doesn’t. It sets off his features even more. Those eyes pop. So much so that you almost don’t miss that black mass of perfection that would make the best security blanket of all time. That security blanket that you could just hold onto and enjoy the ride… Ahem… Sorry I got a little off track there.

            Then we get to his mouth. With full lips that just beg to be bit and sucked on. Er, I mean kissed. That’s it. Kissed. A lot. A lot, a lot.

            He has incredibly large and long, long … fingers/hands. (Now where did you think I was going with that sentence?)  These hands could take one of yours as you stroll around Paris, or cup your face as he’s about to kiss you. Or hold you when you cry at a silly movie. And while you do not do this, of course, but if one were prone to daydreaming about what those hands and long fingers could do while otherwise engaged in say a bedroom, or up against a wall, or in an elevator, or riding in a car, those orgasm-inducing hands of his. *wipes brow* Well, let’s just say it is a good thing you aren’t prone to daydreams.

            Then you watch him in a romantic comedy where he finally kisses the heroine and that kiss makes your toes curl and your teeth ache - Just.From.Watching.It. And it might affect other areas on your body from your toes all the way to your teeth, but you won’t mention that. Because you never, ever give in to the aforementioned daydream. You might, however, possibly imagine what the real thing would be like. Which makes you stop to think: If he is French, but is, what we Americans call “French kissing”, then it truly isn’t French kissing to him, right?  It’s just Regular kissing. Yowza! You realize your teeth are aching again and you need to stop imagining. Immediately.

            He rather adorably allows himself to act the buffoon if it will make a joke work or get a laugh. A mixture of Laurel/Hardy meets Charlie Chaplin. He is always quick to praise his fellow actors and put the accolades on them.  And while he hangs out with the “boys” (and looks like he thoroughly enjoys raising a little hell), he posts beautifully artistic pictures from wherever he is. Almost, dare I say it, romantic. He will also post really sweet, thoughtful stories from newspapers for us to read. He supports the arts (even ballet). This side of him is completely at odds with the hellion you have pictured in your head.

            And I did mention he is French, right? Which means he speaks the language of love - fluently. While I may catch one French word in 100 that’s spoken, the magnificence of the language is not lost on me. In his films and photos he can look as innocent as a choir boy; scarily intense; or goofy.  He can be charming, romantic, or funny. Certainly a great actor as he flawlessly morphs into each character. And he’s got the scowling look down pat. That aloofness only the French seem to pull off so seamlessly. He can look like he’d rather slit your throat then have to talk to you, and the next moment smile so charmingly it is as if the angels from above are singing - your song. And only the two of you exist. In a meadow full of flowers where the sun is shining brightly and baby bunnies are hopping around your feet while bluebirds sing above your head, with little fawns coming to lay at your feet. (Might as well go with the Snow White theme to her Prince Charming, right?)

            During one movie scene, he’s passed out in bed and when he wakes up - the way he sits up in bed is so unlike anyone else and yet so childlike - you imagine he’s been doing that since he’s been sitting up in bed. Did his mother see that and smile to herself because that’s how he’s always been waking up?

            And maybe your heart smiles a little at the image that evokes. Because you can see the little boy still in the grown man and you find yourself thoroughly charmed by this talented actor. 

If Only We Would

It’s International Women’s Day today. I sent a tweet to Diana and Terry this morning telling them they were inspiration to me because they were strong women who spoke their minds. I really admire that. And boy did that really open up the floodgates on Twitter! I’ve never received so many notifications. I think there are women who are there, women who are getting there, and women who want to get there. It was all shown in the replies to the conversation with Terry. I find it so interesting to see how women around the world react to idea of a “strong woman who speaks her mind.”

I find I can speak my mind in my writing, but it is so difficult to do so face-to-face. I watched a TV report done a few years ago about women going to the car dealership to get a new car. For the most part, women cannot negotiate. Why? Because they feel it is confrontation and it makes them very uncomfortable. But more than that, women are not encouraged to be confrontational. It goes against the “nurture” June Cleaver persona we have been indoctrinated with. We simply don’t learn how to negotiate.

If we take a walk through history, how have women been portrayed? In ancient Egyptian society, women were treated quite well. They were educated. They were loved and could have a say in society. They could even become ruler in rare circumstances.

In ancient Greek society, most city-states’ treatment of women was drastically different. Women could not vote. They could not leave their house without a male chaperone (husband or family member). They were meant to run the household within the limits they were given. They certainly weren’t afforded many more privileges than that of the slaves. Women were simply necessary to continue the creation of more men.

Ancient Roman society was no better for women. A woman belonged to her father and then to her husband. Either could have her put to death for immorality or adultery. Women were not educated, or given very little education. Slowly, however, women were given more freedoms and were even able to own property. But it was a long struggle.

Ancient Chinese culture didn’t improve women’s situation. Confucius, bless his little heart, taught that women should not and did not need to have thoughts or ambitions of their own. They were to be respected as wives and mothers. And that is all they should strive to be. Women were regarded as inferior to men in all things.

Wow, this is getting depressing.

Flash forward to Victorian times. There’s a Queen ruling the entire British Empire, but that does little to advance the plight of women anywhere. They are definitely considered their husband’s chattel. Any property or wealth they may have had prior to marriage was given to the husband and was under his sole authority. If a couple divorced, the children went with the father, even if he abused them all. Women had no voice and no hope of gaining one.

1900s-1920s. Women are put in prison, beaten, terrible things done to them because they wish to vote. To vote. (Maybe men knew the power we women truly have and were terrified to unleash this power!) Once that right was won…home life didn’t change much.

1950s. June Cleaver. Father Knows Best, Bonanza (where are the women? Oh right. They are the damsels in distress to be rescued by the big, strong Cartwright men.), Ozzie and Harriet. Smell a theme here? While women could own property and work, it was a male dominated world and they just lived there.

1980s. Alexis Carrington. My how things have changed. A women running a multi-million dollar corporation. Nevermind that she lied, stole, slept her way in and out of mergers, murdered, attempted murder, and had to be the biggest you-know-what on the planet to keep that power. Which does nothing for women’s reputations as they are climbing the corporate ladder. Whenever a woman is strong and asserts herself and control of a situation, she’s clearly on her period. Hysterical. A bitch. Crazy! You know the drill. Whereas any man who acted the same would be lauded for his acumen, given a huge raise and a corner office.

All this brings me to something that has been gnawing at me for the last year or so. When I saw Kim Kardashian West’s tweet I knew it was time to gather my thoughts together and write them down.

People are praising Ms. Kardashian-West as a feminist; liberated, because she posts naked photos of herself on social media. Would anyone call Hugh Hefner a feminist? He did the same thing by posting naked women in a magazine and bringing it to the bathrooms of American men everywhere. I’m pretty sure no one would consider him remotely a feminist. So whether you post the photo yourself or let someone else do it, it doesn’t make you liberated. Or a feminist.

Slaves were liberated. Paris was liberated from the Nazis. The concentration camp prisons were liberated when American forces came. Posting naked photos of yourself isn’t liberating - it is just using someone you know to pimp yourself t to the world.

So good on Chloe Moretz calling out Kim! Kim gained notoriety through a sex tape (whether she knew of its release or not, she’s not quibbling now about the press it gave her). One of her latest projects was a massive book of selfies. A magazine cover of her behind with champagne raining down on it. When we and the next couple of generations have gone and our children’s children learn about this era’s pop culture, what will they take from it? About Kim and her self-worth/self-importance. Will she be known for her charity work? Her selfless acts of kindness to those in need? Probably not. Just someone who earned a huge amount of money showing her tits and ass. What a shame.

I went on Instagram a few months back and saw a photo of an actress I like who posted a photo with a hashtag of “WCW.” She had posted the picture with a friend of hers from a TV I enjoy watching. I’m fairly new to the crazy world of social media and had absolutely no clue what that meant. So I clicked on the hashtag. I now know it means “women crush Wednesday”, but at the time I thought it meant something like “women clothing? wrong!” or “what clothes? wow!” or “wear clothes? why?!” Because the women that popped up had no clothes. Just breasts and nether regions showing. (Just to clarify - the two actresses were fully clothed and simply showing some sisterly love.)

I’m by no means a prude. Nor am I Mary Poppins. But there’s art and then there’s selling yourself short. Are there really so many young women in this world who only see their self-worth in how many likes and hearts they can get from total strangers salivating over their nude bodies? What a sad commentary on today’s society! Yet what kind of role models have these young women had growing up? The world adored a teenage Britney Spears who showed excessive amounts of skin at a young age. Kim Kardashian is lauded by millions as she posts naked shots of herself wherever she can. Selfies have become an addiction to an entire generation of people. They are constantly putting themselves on display for the entire world to see. Has it numbed their still forming minds, allowing any sense of self-worth to stagnate and rot?

Boys grew up watching their fathers look at naked or nearly naked photos of women on social media. They hear the remarks their older brothers or dads make about these women, and they aren’t viewed as human beings, just sexual creatures. Sex sells, especially in Hollywood so women routinely have the gratuitous “shower scene” in a movie or TV show. They prance around naked without a plot reason to do so in front of the fully clothed male co-star. We all take this in without even realizing it and it leads to the desensitizing of women as actual human beings, instead of simply sexual creatures.

In closing one thing that confounds and infuriates me is colleges that have the “welcome to our school! Here’s a pamphlet on how not to get raped” which they give to their female students. Umm, what a minute!  Instead of teaching girls how not to get raped (as if it is ever their fault!), why not teach boys and young men that rape is NEVER acceptable? While I certainly don’t encourage this, a woman should be able to walk around in only nipple rings and a G-string without some male saying “Well, she was asking for it!” Men are not taught to respect women; they would never consider such an unspeakable act if they were.

So again, it’s International Women’s Day. Do we really need, in this 21st Century, to teach our daughters that their self-worth is in their looks? That it’s ok to put their bodies on display to gain attention, or love, or to fill some sort of need by the attention of men looking for a quick shower “date”? It is the 21st Century and we women actually do have a lot of power. We are educated. We run businesses, take care of families, change the oil in our cars (we can, but most of us choose not to). We run empires, rule countries. We are educated, brilliant, funny, sophisticated, artistic, sensitive, strong, amazing women and we need to start building each other up instead of tearing each other down. Why do to each other what man has done to us for thousands of years? Tell a woman you know today that you admire her. Tell her why. But don’t stop there. Do it every day. Little acts of kindness go a long way and soon we won’t even remember a time when there wasn’t a woman US president. The entire US Supreme Court will be made of female attorneys. The sky is our limit, but we need to stop being our own worst enemies and start being our greatest fans.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month

 Bullying has become an epidemic, especially here in the US. Our children face issues at school that we never even dreamed of when we were their age. When I was in grade school, my cousin and I would walk home from school and two sisters would enjoy running down a little slope, gathering speed, and then run right into our backs, trying to knock us down. They’d come up behind us and push us and taunt us. It took a while, but I finally “confessed” this to my mom. She instantly became Momma Bear, calling the parents of the girls and that was that. I got off easy as far as bullying goes. But I know that feeling of shame - that you don’t want to tell your parents - like it is somehow your fault or you are too embarrassed to tell them.

As adults we need to be the watchers and protectors of our children. We need to stand up for them when they cannot. Bullying starts so young now. If we see a child being bullied, stand up for that child. You have no idea how much that can impact the situation for the good. And surely you can remember being a teen and just wanting to fit in. Imagine going through those years being bullied and harassed every day. Let that child/teen/adult know we see them and they matter. There have been too many suicides; too many lost because of this epidemic.  We need to cherish and protect our children, not turn a blind eye to their pain.

According to the website NoBullying.com:

Bullying Statistics 2014

Bullying is a global problem that requires an immediate call-to-action.

According to the Center for Disease Control in 2014, 6 percent of high school students reported being bullied during the school year and 14.8 percent reported being bullied online.

…

School bullying prevention programs are known to decrease bullying in schools up to 25 percent.

About 19.6 percent of high school students in the U.S. report to being bullied in the past year according to the Center for Disease Control in 2014.

Half of all high school students admitted to bullying someone in the past year.

When an adult intervenes in a bullying incident, it stops within 10 seconds or more about 57 percent of the time. This is why standing up to bullying is the major step in bullying prevention programs. (Emphasis added)

StopBullying.gov states:

There are three types of bullying:

Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things.

Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships.

Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions.

And not to be left out, of course, is cyberbullying.  This is a great article: http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/cyber-bullying-statistics.html

According to the above site:

Cyber bullying affects many adolescents and teens on a daily basis. Cyber bullying involves using technology, like cell phones and the Internet, to bully or harass another person. Cyber bullying can take many forms:

Sending mean messages or threats to a person’s email account or cell phone

Spreading rumors online or through texts

Posting hurtful or threatening messages on social networking sites or web pages

Stealing a person’s account information to break into their account and send damaging messages

Pretending to be someone else online to hurt another person

Taking unflattering pictures of a person and spreading them through cell phones or the Internet

Sexting, or circulating sexually suggestive pictures or messages about a person

Cyber bullying can be very damaging to adolescents and teens. It can lead to anxiety, depression, and even suicide. Also, once things are circulated on the Internet, they may never disappear, resurfacing at later times to renew the pain of cyber bullying.

(Emphasis added)

So (and you knew it was coming, right?) here’s the thing about bullying. It seems to be pretty easy to do when you are sitting behind a computer screen or on your smartphone.  A few weeks ago a great blog was posted in our fandom that sent the super shippers (“SS”) into a tizzy. Funny thing is, these dizzy tizzies - for the most part - hadn’t even read the blog! How silly is that?! They had all sorts of opinions about how wrong this blog was without evening looking at it. *le sigh* That blog “cast” received a boatload (get it, ship/boatload?) of harassing comments that lasted all day. (Lucky them.) Because of someone’s opinion on a blog.

Now here’s the interesting thing: One of the captains (i.e., leaders) of the SS protested that such things shouldn’t be posted on such a public blog. Make no mistake, wherever you put down your words on the internet, it is public. Unless, of course you set your privacy settings so private that only you can read what you wrote. Whether you are on Tumblr, Blogger, WordPress, etc., your words are on the web for time indefinite. And can be found.  (Also, it is generally considered good form to actually read what it is you are complaining about before complaining about it.)

A word SS (and their barnacles) like to use to describe people who follow Purv on Twitter is the “Antis.”  This is patently wrong.  By definition “anti” is:

noun, plural antis.

1. a person who is opposed to a particular practice, party, policy, action, etc.

(Dictionary.com)

No one I talk to on Twitter is “anti” that (relation)ship. Not at all. We just don’t believe that ship exists. It’s a ghost ship. Like the movie with Gabriel Byrne. This ghost ship goes sailing around, luring hapless victims to it and then kills them off one by one as they start investigating or questioning things that happen on the ship. See, there’s a difference. I’d say we are more “non-believer/don’t want to die” than an “anti.”

Another word the SS and its barnacles (ok, so I suppose I will have to stop calling the followers of the SS “barnacles” after I write what I’m going to next. We all know that barnacles attach themselves to a ship with amazing tenacity. You can’t get them off with a jackhammer. So much so that eventually they destroy the ship they are attached to. One or two or three do not harm, it’s the mob that kills.) use incessantly is “monkey.” Let’s just think about this for a minute shall we? Again, going to an online urban dictionary, this is what it defines “monkey” as:

A racial slur directed towards a person of African-American ethnicity

Slang for the female genitalia, Pussy!

Continually using “monkey” to describe Purv and anyone who happens to follow her on Twitter dehumanizes those you speak against.  They are no longer human beings, but little monkeys that throw their own crap (*not the actual word used. I prefer not to swear though) around (I read that all the time, too). Clearly not human beings, but animals.

This form of dehumanizing has been going on forever, but especially during the time when conquering nations were working to colonize their new subjects (“The White Man’s Burden”).  Slave owners used this reasoning with their slaves. Hitler’s regime used it against the Jews. The Hutu against Tutsis in the Rwandan genocide.  The Serbs against the Croats/Muslims in the Bosnian genocide. The Janjaweed against those living in Darfur.

I’m not saying you SS are acting like those examples. But I would bet money you’d love for those who are not shippers to be gone from the Holy S&C Empire. You’d love to get your ghost ship anchor and chain around our necks and drown us all in the murky depths of the ship’s wake.

The SuperShippers are a case of “do as I say, not as I do.” They say they stay in their lane, but this is not true. They say they don’t like people telling them what they can or cannot say on their own blogs, yet freely (and voraciously) do the same to anyone who dares to disagree with their Ideology. In fact, they like to say that the “monkeys” have “drunk the Kool-Aid” and have had the “wool pulled over their eyes” re: Purv and her posts.  Oh silly little SS! It is YOU who hands out the Kool-Aid. As in “Wait - you dare to question me?! Off with your head! Be gone from the Holy S&C Empire, never to return!”  This is handled by banishing them - you are blocked forever! Just like in Jonestown - people drank the Kool-Aid and died. You will figuratively “die” if you question the Shirt.

The Shirt is good at saying “I don’t have time for Purv,” yet a majority of her blog is used to obsess about Purv. Or “Assy” as they are calling her. (Nice. Very “classy.”) You allow your “anons” to call her - and anyone who follows her on Twitter - terrible names and say terrible things about them. “But,” you say, “I have no control over what people send me as questions! Or what they say about her!”  Very true. But, you do have control over what you publish in your blog. If you weren’t as obsessed about her (as you claim), you wouldn’t even need to publish those anons. Your faithful sheep are simply following your lead, trying to appease their captain (baaaah). If you stop publishing all the hateful talk, eventually it will stop.

If you think she posts nothing but lies, what does it hurt you? You claim not to read her tweets. So ignore her. They only ones she’d be hurting (if they are indeed lies) are the people who believe her. And you have admitted that we are sub-human to you by continually degrading and dehumanizing us. So be Elsa. Let.It.Go.

Another thing: Oh you SS sure make a huge deal about others who post a private DM. *thump* Sorry, I fell out of my chair laughing at that one. You mean like the woman who posed as a “friend” to Abbey (who you all call “avocado girl” and still make fun of eggs) and then betrayed her trust and posted it all over the internet?  Those kind of DMs?  Riiiiiiiight.

You love to call Purv and her “monkeys” a cult, but when I called the Shirt one, she was highly offended.  Let’s see who is more like a cult, shall we?  Purv - who actually lets people have disagreeing conversations on her Twitter feed, or the Shirt, the “baby sister” and everyone else who follows them, who, if they ask a dissenting question, are banished and blocked from the Empire forever?  And the Shirt wins by a mile!

You say Sam has enough mothers. Doesn’t need anyone else’s help in protecting him. Yet the young girl who may or may not have touched his bum during a photo was jumped all over - harassed and bullied by many, many shippers. It was like watching a kid on the back of a bus being surrounded by bullies. Whether she did it on purpose, said that she did it on purpose, but really didn’t, or something got lost in translation, who cares? Like you said, Sam is a big boy. He certainly knows how to stand up for himself. And if he had felt uncomfortable at that time, there are people there who are hired to protect Sam who would have had the girl extracted from the situation in a nanosecond at a nod of his head. Stop being so hypocritical!

As for the lady who lost her young daughter to cancer. That is an awful, terrible thing. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of that. Truly. It was awesome that she was able to raise money for cancer in her daughter’s memory. It sounds like she was able to raise quite a lot due to the generosity of this fandom. That is one of the truly great things about our fandom!! We rally around good causes and we are a force to be reckoned with (just ask Shatner)  *wink*  But she took something that the pretty Unicorn said and twisted it - whether by intention or misunderstanding.  No one said that she lost her daughter because of karma. No one believes that either. I wouldn’t associate with someone who believed or said such a thing, it’s not my style. Bad things happen even to our most precious and innocent - our children - and we can all agree that is the worst thing that could ever happen to a mother.

The SS are also pretty high and mighty about Purv having “sources.” Yet it is ok for ya’ll to stalk where S&C live, or stalk a loved one’s grave, etc.? Does this mean you never read a People magazine? Those articles are full of “sources.” Again, don’t be hypocritical about things that you do, too.

Hey Shirt - Why does it bother you that a fan group sent S an expensive gift? Because you are too good to even say hello if you were to pass him in the street? While you don’t like that the gift was sent, you SSers sure are all abuzz about the reason for the gift being made. Endless speculation. December wedding. Baby on board (I’ll bet C just loves to hear that she looks like she could be pregnant!). If you can’t stomach the fact that fans sent him some money for a kilt, you should just ignore the fact that said kilt is being made!

When the pretty Unicorn lost an incredibly close friend, she tagged a few people about it that the Shirt took umbrage with. This cracked me up. What doesn’t though, is that she made fun of the pretty Unicorn for this and continued to make snide remarks about it for a long time after. How someone grieves is their own business. And the Shirt should know as she herself recently lost a loved one, for which I am sorry for her loss. It is a terrible fact of life that we will lose our loved ones in death. It never gets easier, no matter how many times we have to go through it. It certainly doesn’t help when we have people making fun of us and bullying us about how we go thru the process. And I feel the same way about anyone who may have done the same to the Shirt while she went thru the process.

Another thing - the Unicorn gets bullied relentlessly about the cowls she makes. Really? Cowls?  You say awful things about her because of cowls?! Something she’s doing to raise money for charity. Wow. Whenever she gets an acknowledgement from Sam the bullying starts. Really ladies, jealousy does not become you. And let us just say for sake of argument (and I don’t believe this to be the case at all, FYI) that she is doing this to be acknowledged. For personal glory. All the money she’s put into the yarn, all the time she’s put into making the cowls. Sending them out. Etc. All this is for glory. She’s helped raise A LOT of money doing this. Do you think the person with leukemia getting a treatment made possible by this money cares if the person did it for purely altruistic reasons or selfish ones? Do you think the mother watching her child suffer and slowly die maybe get cured because of this money cares for the reason? This isn’t about Sam. Or the pretty Unicorn. Or you. It’s about people who are dying from a cancer that not a lot is known about. Let’s keep perspective, shall we?

 And let’s stop wishing Purv dead. Or raped. Or some other such nasty thing, eh? I find this IG photo and words appalling. A “nice” doubletap rape. Lovely. Also cyberbullying by using an account name that is supposed to Purv. And the obvious “gang” rape reference. This is how the SS rolls? And people want to belong to that??

I wrote in a TwitLonger that I posted awhile back about women having been beaten down by men since the beginning of time. As women we really need to start building each other up and become a force to be reckoned with (not openly advocating rape). Do you know what the only profession is in which a woman outearns a male?  Modelling. Nothing against models or their job. But come on - modelling? Not politics. Not science. Or engineering. Modelling. Where the woman’s job is to be quiet, look pretty and wear as little as possible. There’s something horrendously wrong with that picture!

I’m not saying that I’ve never said something about someone else that I shouldn’t have, or regretted later. Of course I have. You get a few thousand women together on one site and there’s bound to be some friction.  Varying degrees of hormones J Differing opinions. But that’s cool. Just because I don’t believe in the ship, it doesn’t make me the enemy. When I first joined this fandom, I was convinced S&C liked each other. I thought S was really into C (which let’s face it, who wouldn’t be? I imagine that she’s one of those women where men just can’t help but fall a little in love with her no matter who they are. She’s utterly adorable and from my POV nearly perfect. Darn her! J)  I read all the SS blogs. But something just didn’t seem right. In fact, the SS are the ones who let me know there was such a person as Purv.   And while she and I don’t always agree, we can always have a discussion without it turning into a “banishment.” Or calling each other foul names. Or saying foul language at each other. Which is more than can be said for the SS. 

After saying all this, and I apologize it is SO LONG, I acknowledge that the “There is NO Ship”pers haven’t been perfect little angels, either. I just saw that an anon went on a SS’ blog and said that as long as she was going to keep writing what she did, she was pretty much going to get bullied and harassed.  Last time I checked, the United States still allows for free speech. And as long as that free speech does not endanger someone or bully them, they have a right to it. That’s why it’s THEIR blog.  You want to state a different opinion that doesn’t harm or bully someone, then start YOUR own blog. That’s the way it works.

And if you do have your own blog, get used to having people send you hate mail. It’s a weird time we live in. People have lost their manners when speaking to others and seem to love to send hate mail to others. I can imagine opening up hate-filled mail must take you aback at first. Kind of like finding a screencap of yourself on someone’s IG account as they mock and bully you over something you said on Twitter (yes, that happened to me, thank you very much. That account also isn’t around anymore.). You feel all shocked at first and then you don’t know whether to laugh at them or be furious.

People have said “Just ignore them (the SS). They want you to engage.” Probably true. But easier said than done.  And ignoring what is going on just gives the bullies free range to continue. As the article about bullying stated in the beginning of my post, standing up to bullies usually stops the behavior.  It doesn’t thrill me to put myself out “there” by writing these things. I’d rather be working on my novel. But I.Cannot.Stand.Bullies.  And cowards who hide behind the cloak of the internet to do so are the worst. (And I mean that from both sides of the coin.) Let the shippers ship. It makes them happy. Heck, it makes me happy to watch S&C interact whether it’s via tweets or in some interview. I have no doubt they love each other.  They just don’t love each other (my opinion). So let them have their fun.

Same with those who are not shippers. You know, I follow Purv on twitter, but I think for myself and the wool has not been pulled over my eyes. Stop saying that. We are not animals, assy, bitches (only on certain days, I’m sure *wink*), or whatever else you come up with to dehumanize us. I follow her because I like her. I like the people I’ve met thru her. The info is fun and I can think thru the process myself to see that it’s true. And if it ever got to the point where it wasn’t fun anymore, I wouldn’t follow anymore.  It’s not the land of Purvistan. It isn’t the cult of Purv. It’s a nice group of women who chat and enjoy each other’s company. I believe that is what you shippers have, also.

It is absurd that this is all over a tv show. And two people that 99.9% of us will never meet, let alone become best buds with. It’s Much Ado About Nothing.  Of course we love the books. We love the show. We love all the actors in the show. The creator. The costume director. The writers. The producers. The drivers! Can’t we do that without being bullies to others in the fandom whose opinion differs with ours? Come on, we are all supposed to be adults here. Remember: Be Elsa. Let.It.Go.

Finally, while we love our show (to the point of mania), we need all realize that there are things going on in the world that truly matter. Kids are being shot and killed while going to college. There are thousands who are refugees. Who have lost everything and would dearly love to have to only worry about whether two actors are going to get married in December and have a wee babe. Our planet is being destroyed. Our polar bears are dying because of it for heaven’s sake! Space is filling up with our junk. Children are being sold as sex slaves. Cancer. Donald Trump. These are serious issues! Let’s all show a little kindness towards one another because we have no idea what someone is dealing with once they get offline and have to deal with their own real world.